What is a good habit and what is bad one?

Problem: you want to become healthier and achieve a better physique.

WHY DO WE CREATE HABITS?

Habits are behaviours that have been repeated enough times to become automatic and hard to give up. Their purpose is to solve problems and stresses you face regularly with as little effort and energy as possible.

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EXAMPLE

When we repeat a habit, we are always looking for an outcome, and obviously we are more likely to repeat a behaviour followed by satisfying consequences, satisfying outcomes, than to repeat behaviours that produce unpleasant consequences. Pleasure teaches your brain that an action is worth remembering and repeating. So, we create habits to obtain outcomes that satisfy us and solve our problems.

Solution (habit to implement in our lives): hit the gym or do some sort of physical activity at least 3 days per week.

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Remember: most people will spend all day chasing quick hits of satisfaction, chasing instant dopamine, but the truly successful people are the ones who travelled the road of delayed gratification, who were willing to ignore an immediate reward in favour of a delayed one to succeed.

BAD HABIT: Smoking

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GOOD AND BAD HABITS

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Problem: you feel really stressed.

As soon as you smoke, you obtain an instant and satisfying outcome, which helps you relieve your stress efficiently, but the problem is that if you keep smoking every day for the rest of your life, you are more likely to develop bad outcomes in the future, such as lung cancer.

Every habit produces multiple outcomes across time. The main difference between good and bad habits lies in the moment the outcomes occur: bad habits give you immediate rewards, while good habits offer delayed rewards. The problem with bad habits is the fact that they give you an instant pleasure in the present moment, but the long-term outcomes are often unpleasant and bad. With good habits, it’s the reverse: the present outcome is unenjoyable, but the future one is good. In other words, the costs, the bad part, of your good habits is in the present moment, while the costs of your bad habits are in the future. Bad habits are usually the so called “instant gratification activities”, the ones that offer you an immediate spike of dopamine (scrolling on TikTok, unhealthy food, porn and masturbation, drugs, cigarettes…). The more immediate the pleasure, the worse a habit usually is.

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Solution: smoke a cigarette to relieve your tension.

HABIT DEFINITION

The problem is that working out one day, one week or one month is not going to be enough to achieve your ultimate desired outcome, that is your dream physique. You must make working out part of your lifestyle and be willing to put in the work and suffer during a lot of workout sessions before you can notice significant results. So, the immediate outcome sucks, but the long-term reward is really satisfying.

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?

GOOD HABIT: Working out.